broken.

in tears.
in the middle of statler.

i dont know how much i can handle anymore.
i want to quit. i want to give up.
i dont know why i even try.

the harder i try
the harder i fall.


i need You, Jesus
come to my rescue.

thanksgiving.

mommy &daddy
justin
harabuhjee
verygoodclosefriend
cornell
kasa
chodae&kcce
friends
provision
drivingggg
froyo
foood
new friendships
laughter
joy
peace
smallgroup
p.shiyon
my warm jacket
&gloves
yesterday's snow
smiles
renewed friendships
music
james 1-5
health
healing
gorges campus
dduk
another month (:
DECEMBER!
love.

You gave me all these things
even in this fleeting, trivial life.

every good&perfect gift comes from God!

what more can i ask?

would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this..?

(:

beautiful.

i want to get back to where it all began
when i would long for only You

like a child, i'll take You at Your word
as these mountains of doubt, they fade away
im longing to trust &love You more


so for me this is beautiful
a brand new thought, &a brand new world

can i stay forever
here with You?

♥ (:

amen.

dear God,

You have poured so much of Your grace within the past week. i am so thankful for all the strange, purposeful coincidences (paradox?) that You have brought forth in my life as of now. as i desire to get closer and closer to You, and to place You at the complete center, help me realize more and more Your plans for me are good. that everything in this life is like a chisel to make me hopefully more &more like Christ. help me to want to do what's good. help me to have a heart. keep filling me with this driving spirit - i do not want to lose it. thank You for guiding me on my journey back home. back to my Father. there are a lot of doubts, unknowns, grey areas... but there's One absolute. that should be the Only Thing i lean on. this world is fleeting... 10 years from now i probably wont even remember what the big deal was, or i'll be thanking You for these hardships that have brought me to a better place, or i might not even be alive. who knows? thing is, it doesn't matter. help me trust You. i realize that is my biggest obstacle in my walk with You as of now. i pray that You give me wisdom and patience in all things. there are so many things on my mind right now... including my future. You have guided me in such a strange path, but with prayer & petition, i feel as if You are just starting to reveal the wonderful blessings You have waiting in store for me. my job as of now is to simply work hard at what i do, trust You, &have my final goal be reaching You rather than reaching a specific career that i would want for my own selfish desires.

thank You so much for providing me with amazing people to help keep me accountable & pray for me throughout my struggles. thank You for my family - my parents, brother, grandparents who continuously pray for me, even when i dont reciprocate the prayers because of this excuse i call "life." i dont want that to be an excuse anymore. i want to love and live only for You. help me to love. i've grown so distant with people, as they have been the one major distraction in life. although i am content with that right now, do not let my heart grow cold. do not let my heart grow callused. shield my heart from the unnecessary hurt. give me a child's faith.

You are leading me in a certain direction, i know.
i have strayed so far &yet You are SO very persistent with me.
this is the 4th time a mentor-figure has mentioned to me
that You must love me so much,
&that i must have a special place in Your heart
because You reveal so much to me..

im not sure if that is true,
but You have poured so much inexplicable grace.
given me hope in the hopeless.
made the impossible possible.

i've forgotten so much.
but the memory is coming back.

break my heart for what breaks Yours.
give me a burning desire for You.

grace.

this night may seem impossible,
but God,
You are pRO at working in these situations. i know (;

11.11 - what more could i wish for?

heart.

each heart knows its own bitterness, 

&no one else can share its joy.

even in laughter the heart may ache,

&joy may end in grief.

- proverbs 14:10,13

coincidences.

there are no such things
in this life.

God, You are funny.
continuously challenging me
&poking fun
at how silly this life is.

silly & amusing.
a real-life comedy..

thank You for all the "random coincidences"
that happened this week.

truly strange.
truly real.

&only one answer:
it could only be You.

BIO 101.

the beauty of life,
God's creation.

desert.

h o p e l e s s n e s s .

i have a reason to sing...


- my prayer in the desert. 

cycles.

reaching that part of the cycle again...
the part i'd rather not deal with.

i dont know what i need, God,
but i need something. desperately.

show me that You're working through all this.

kutless.

i've seen 
dreams that move the mountains
hope that doesn't ever end
even when the sky is falling


&i've seen
miracles just happen
silent prayers get answered
broken hearts become brand new


that's what faith can do...


(=

30min.

i know i wont die.
God, i desperately need
courage, wisdom, stremgth, peace,
& a lot of good guessing.
help me not to be scared.
its so silly. just one test,
& i cant even get this right.
it feels impossible,
but You work through these
situations. im learning at least.

everything happens for a reason.

again.

dear God, i screwed up. again.
the harder i try,
the more i fail.

i dont understand... =[

nothing satisfies.
only
You.

verse.

bible gateway's verse of the day:

“Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD."

- psalm 27:14

perfect.

good.

everything You do is for the good.

thank You so much for giving me the opportunity to meet with p. shiyon. for having gongs initiate it. for the lovely talk with ecpark. for friends who love me. for the dinner i'll be having with silkyy. for bible study on friday. for the fun & craziness on friday night. for the tears that made me realize.....

YOU ARE SO GOOD.
so, very good.

exhaustion.

physically.
&mentally.

its cold here too =[

God, help me pull through.
all for Your glory right?
help me not to procrastinate next time.

FIGHTING! (:

fail.

again &again
&again &again.

im hopeless without You.

motivation & hope.

i am lacking in these two things.
give me strength
to do the things i dont want to do.

i dont know why i feel so empty...

this world is so
temporary.

surprises.

thank You for the surprisingly unexpected, good day.


You are amazing God
Your love's unending.

i smiled many times today (:

must.do.QTs.
forgive me for that...

You are so funny.
i cant even explain ..? [=

humor.

God, You are hilarious sometimes.
but of course You know that.

this will be good for me.
maybe a test?

dear God,

strength.
self control.
wisdom.
patience.
love.
contentedness.

this is hard.
so very hard.


sometimes it feels weird constantly talking about me.
even about how messed up i am.
feels a bit self-centered.

FAIL. i fail.
God, i need You.
save me.

refresh.

virtual record of my walk with God.

what my moleskine was supposed to be.
if only i could write as fast as i thought
without my hands cramping up.

One Desire.