dear God,
You have poured so much of Your grace within the past week. i am so thankful for all the strange, purposeful coincidences (paradox?) that You have brought forth in my life as of now. as i desire to get closer and closer to You, and to place You at the complete center, help me realize more and more Your plans for me are good. that everything in this life is like a chisel to make me hopefully more &more like Christ. help me to want to do what's good. help me to have a heart. keep filling me with this driving spirit - i do not want to lose it. thank You for guiding me on my journey back home. back to my Father. there are a lot of doubts, unknowns, grey areas... but there's One absolute. that should be the Only Thing i lean on. this world is fleeting... 10 years from now i probably wont even remember what the big deal was, or i'll be thanking You for these hardships that have brought me to a better place, or i might not even be alive. who knows? thing is, it doesn't matter. help me trust You. i realize that is my biggest obstacle in my walk with You as of now. i pray that You give me wisdom and patience in all things. there are so many things on my mind right now... including my future. You have guided me in such a strange path, but with prayer & petition, i feel as if You are just starting to reveal the wonderful blessings You have waiting in store for me. my job as of now is to simply work hard at what i do, trust You, &have my final goal be reaching You rather than reaching a specific career that i would want for my own selfish desires.
thank You so much for providing me with amazing people to help keep me accountable & pray for me throughout my struggles. thank You for my family - my parents, brother, grandparents who continuously pray for me, even when i dont reciprocate the prayers because of this excuse i call "life." i dont want that to be an excuse anymore. i want to love and live only for You. help me to love. i've grown so distant with people, as they have been the one major distraction in life. although i am content with that right now, do not let my heart grow cold. do not let my heart grow callused. shield my heart from the unnecessary hurt. give me a child's faith.
You are leading me in a certain direction, i know.
i have strayed so far &yet You are SO very persistent with me.
this is the 4th time a mentor-figure has mentioned to me
that You must love me so much,
&that i must have a special place in Your heart
because You reveal so much to me..
im not sure if that is true,
but You have poured so much inexplicable grace.
given me hope in the hopeless.
made the impossible possible.
i've forgotten so much.
but the memory is coming back.
break my heart for what breaks Yours.
give me a burning desire for You.
grace.
this night may seem impossible,
but God,
You are pRO at working in these situations. i know (;
11.11 - what more could i wish for?
